I feel better! (Now that I've said it I best knock on wood!) That's the part of anxiety that I like the least...afraid of when it might come back. But for right now, I feel like my body and mind are both returning to normal and I'm able to really appreciate the gifts I've been given.
Mid-day Monday was really a turning point. I could feel the doom and gloom slowly lifting. The nervous stomach is still there once in awhile because I'm still getting used to the responsibility of raising two beautiful babies, but my guess is that that mommy-worries never really go away. That's just love!
I can see how God is using this baby to teach me even more than I've already learned with Elyse. It is amazing the message that you hear if you listen. I've learned patience, letting go, seeing blessings, appreciation for stay-at-home moms, trust, imperfection, open expression of emotions, forgiveness, understanding, and even more love. Just when you think you can't possibly love any more than you already do, you do! I'm thankful that I have the ability to love, even though that love makes me nearly sick to my stomach sometimes because of how strong it is.
Elyse, Micah, and I are becoming more comfortable in our days at home together. We like to have a little something to look forward to each day, and on those days where we have nothing scheduled, we are a little stir crazy by the time Ross gets home. Last night he said he felt like zombies were attacking him. We sort of felt like that too! A trip to the grocery store was a treat for me! Oh, the little things in life. It is always good to get outside and get a little fresh air.
I don't want anyone to think that we don't still have our moments. I still lose my patience once in awhile. I still question how I will manage being responsible for these two little lives for the rest of my life. (Don't think about that...It is totally overwhelming!) My house is messier than it has ever been. Supper sometimes consists of whatever you see when you open the fridge. My babies have to cry for longer than I'd like sometimes. I might give a little moan in the middle of the night when it feels like I just fell asleep and one of the kiddos is calling for me or crying. Elyse has way more tv/computer time than the American Academy of Pediatrics would ever recommend. But you know what, there is no rule book for this job. As long as there is love, hugs, kisses, and kindness, then we are doing well!
I'm thankful that I trusted Dr. Troy, again, and waited out these two weeks. I really feel like I owe that man more than I could ever give. He understands me better than I understand myself. He believes in me and I can't say thank you enough to him for setting me up for success with this pregnancy. I do feel guilt that Elyse's entrance into the world was so different and I wish I could have a redo, but again, God has a plan for me and I would not be who I am today without that experience.
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