This is Normal

If you haven't read Micah's birth story, see the previous post! :)

I prayed and hoped and wished that when Micah came into this world, my anxiety would disappear. Probably a little unrealistic, but a girl has to hope right! So here we are at 10 days post delivery and the baby blues are here. As I've said before, I wish this was all black and white and that there was a medical test for this.
Is this the baby blues? Will it go away soon? Will it become postpartum depression? Am I making this all up in my mind? What if it gets worse? What if I go crazy? What if I'm a bad mom? Why do I feel like this? Why can't I just enjoy this? Why can't I be happy? Do others really feel like this? Why doesn't anyone talk about it? Am I just a big baby? How bad will it be? The questions continue to swirl.
My symptoms include worry, anxiousness, feeling tired, irritability, sadness, guilt. I miss being a family of 3. I miss all of the one-on-one time I had with Elyse. I miss having more time with Ross. I miss having time for myself. Yes, I love little Micah, but this is a huge change and it has sort of flipped my world upside down, again. I see a pattern here...anytime I have to deal with a big change, I struggle!
Is it different than the postpartum I had with Elyse? At this point, yes, very different. With Elyse the onset was about 5 days after birth. I couldn't eat, sleep, listen to her cry, stop shaking, stop having nightmares about her being suffocated under my pillows at night. This time feels much more mild. This time I can actually feel emotions. Last time, I felt like I was in a different world and that I was numb. I'm hoping this is a good sign that this is just the normal baby blues, and that it will get better after the two week mark.
I saw Dr. Troy for an adjustment a few days ago and he said that my body had held nicely during delivery and he doesn't not anticipate any postpartum depression. He said 3 bad days in a row would be a reason to start worrying, but everything else I feel is totally normal.
Normal? Then why doesn't anyone talk about this. Everyone presents birth and motherhood to be a beautiful thing where everything is roses! Let me be honest and say that there are so many emotions I feel right now I can't even sort through them. I shouldn't try to really. I should just accept them as they come, acknowledge them, and then let them pass.
My biggest struggle is sharing my time with Micah and Elyse. Elyse has been an only child for almost 4 years and even those she loves and adores her little brother, I feel extreme guilt that now she has to share us. And when you are wearing your emotions on your sleeve, any little comment that she makes brings me to tears. I know she will adjust. I'm still adjusting too! It will take time.
I pray and hope and wish that this is simply the baby blues and I will feel better soon! Say a prayer if you will that my next post is about getting over this hump and having more happy days with my babies at home!