I leave this afternoon for Estes Park, Colorado for a 7-Day Transformations YogaKids training. At the end of the week, I will have completed my year long training and will be a fully certified kids yoga teacher. Laura Nelson 200-CYKT!
And ready or not, I'm going. I'm incredibly nervous about traveling alone, being away from home for 7 days, leaving Elyse and Ross for 7 days, being able to sleep in a hotel room with soon to be friends, and coming back when the calendar says August!
August! Really?! Like I said in a post a month back or so, when August gets here, I won't be ready to go back to school. The back-to-school nerves are already seeping in. It goes from one worry to the next. There is always something to worry about, so how about instead of worrying about any of them, worry about none of them. I have hope for that.
Well, I've got some last minute packing to do! And some last minute cuddling to do!
Friday, July 27, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
I Love It
I wish I could say that about anxiety. I think if I did, it would make it go away....or so I hope. Or how about if I went to the doctor, they ran a quick blood draw, and said, "Yup! Anxiety it is." I think even that would make accepting it better. Because I go back and forth on the right way to do this....
Should I ignore it because thinking about, talking about, researching about it gives it power which makes it worse...
or
Should I accept it, love it, and embrace it as part of me because it seems that it would make me feel better if I could stop trying to fight it, rationalize it, solve it, find a cause of it...
Everyone has their own opinion which doesn't help the anxious mind to know what to do. We anxious people like there to be a right or wrong/black or white way to life and I'm discovering that just isn't the way it will always be. Same with anxiety.
Plus, to complicate matters, some people say they have been totally cured of their anxiety to never deal with it again using certain methods, while others say they have been fighting the battle for the last 30, 40 some years and it just continues....I'll decide to focus on the first school of thought because I don't have the energy or time to let the second idea consume my mind.
And I'm not asking my anxiety to be totally gone because that wouldn't be healthy either. I don't mind nervousness, like the butterflies in your tummy thing, sweaty palms, a little racing heart...that stuff is simple. It's the anxiety, when I say anxiety, like the muscles feel like they are shutting down, the brain fog, the difficulty shutting off the ruminating thoughts, the weak arms, the lack of taste in food or any desire to eat, shortness of breath, the extreme fatigue, insomnia, shaking, and the dreaded cloud of doom that has me questioning the world around me and what it is, what is that one source, that is causing this....that is what I want to go away.
Like I've said many times, I'm so much better off than I was awhile back but it's kind of like this....
If you have ever burned your finger on the stove or a curling iron not expecting it to be hot, ouch!!! That hurts! Each time you approach that situation in the future, you approach it with much more caution. You've learned to protect yourself.
It's the same with anxiety.....Just walking along, enjoying life, and ouch!! Some situation which you didn't foresee as that difficult sends your body spinning into an unknown place. It's scary. So you come out of it okay and you've learned a lot and you're a little on guard now for those same feelings. But you never expect you'll deal with that again, cause you've learned your lesson the first time.....
Until BAM! The anxiety is back again, and again you're scared but this time it is a little worse because you thought you had learned, and protected yourself....so you become worried about this really becoming part of you, and how often, how intense, what situations will make this continue to arise. Yikes! I thought this was a one time deal.
And each time it comes back, you feel the same way. A little pissed off that you didn't learn your lesson the first time, or the second time, or the third time....Why can't you just control this!!?? You've been to the doctors, you've talked through your "issues", you've changed your eating habits, you've asked for help, you've practiced relaxation techniques, you've gotten up each day and pushed through.....but it is still lingering....
Now you begin to worry about this thought....so it's not as intense and you're thankful for that but this is the longest it has lingered....Is this the time when it does not ever go away? It has always, always gone away in the past. So it will go away this time. But then I'm instantly scared about the next time it comes back....
And here is where I need to change my thinking to "I Love It" or probably more realistic would be "I can handle it!" Instead of creating more fear about when and if it comes back, just know that you can deal with it. It won't stop you from living life. It won't stop a new day from coming. It won't stop your children or husband or family from loving you. It won't stop the children at school from needing you as their teacher. It won't stop anything unless you let it stop you. And you can let it slow you down. That might be just the reason it is here. To let you know you're racing through life a little too fast and need to stop and smell the roses. Slow down. Re-evaluate. Take time out to just stay home and relax. I can handle this. *Disclaimer: (I might need all of your help in remembering this because this is the part I struggle with the most. I DO NOT want to accept that this will return and be part of me. I DO NOT. Begging and pleading. DO NOT. It's pretty simple. I hate it. I hate what it does to me. I hate who it makes me out to be.)
Since I'm feeling more success each day, for the most part, I need to start thinking this way and letting go of the fear. Not yet, in 29 years of life, have I ever been given more than I can handle. Some days it sure feels like it, but like the lyrics from a song I heard yesterday said, "I will let you bend but I won't let you break." So true! Bending is good. It teaches us new things. I want to know what this is preparing me for. I have hope that this will be for something good. I want to make a difference in the world and I guess being a teacher is a good start.
Hope you all enjoyed your weekend! I know I sure did! I had a wonderful time with Molly, Brenna, and Cora here! I loved going to Alicia's birthday party and hanging out with the high school girls. And now I'm anxiously (in a good way) waiting for Ross to call and say, "We're on our way home and will be home tomorrow!"
Friday, July 20, 2012
My Mouth is a Volcano
There is a children's book title this, and I thought of it right away as I thought about how I was feeling today.
Inside these "I'm feeling pretty good" posts, there are days when I'd like to post about the little black cloud that still lingers, in a different way, now. Many days I just decide to wait until I'm in a better mood, because that is more of what people want to hear. But today...."It's just one of them days, that a girl goes through, When I'm angry inside, Don't wanna take it out on you, Just one of them days..."It's a Monica song...
Right now I feel like my mouth is a volcano. I feel like everything that comes out is negative, judgmental, and all or nothing thinking.
I'm angry that Ross is at his music festival...in Ohio...for 7 days...with little cell phone service...
I'm angry that I can't just enjoy my time with Elyse because...I lack patience...I am tired...I feel like a bad mom...I don't think it's fair that she should have to put up with my moods....
I'm angry that someone can't just take this pain inside of me away...take the anxiety...take the depression...take the negativity...take the physical symptoms that come with it...take the all or nothing thinking...take the worries...take away the "Why me?"...
I'm angry when I think back to happier times...why won't they just come back...why have I learned to be okay with "not feeling great"...why is this the new normal...why is this lingering on and on when I have a wonderful life to be so very thankful for...
I can deal with this. It is not nearly as bad or as intense as it was a few months ago. I typically can follow the routine of a the day and worry less, but I feel like I am stuck. Dr. Troy assures me it is normal but $&*$((#(*&^&^#*(#(&&#*(excuse my language)! Can I just get a week of relief!! I get hours, and if I'm lucky, a day, of relief...but it is that lingering, the dull ache inside...that just won't leave. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO LORD!!?? I'M LISTENING!!"
I know I'm not alone in my feelings. I know many have, and currently are, feeling like this in one situation or another. But I want to post this honestly so that if one other person reads this and finally feels like they are not alone, then it was worth it. Today I will worry about today. I will continue to enjoy the moments even though I have that icky, dull, ache way down deep that just doesn't want to leave. I will be thankful for the little things.
Inside these "I'm feeling pretty good" posts, there are days when I'd like to post about the little black cloud that still lingers, in a different way, now. Many days I just decide to wait until I'm in a better mood, because that is more of what people want to hear. But today...."It's just one of them days, that a girl goes through, When I'm angry inside, Don't wanna take it out on you, Just one of them days..."It's a Monica song...
Right now I feel like my mouth is a volcano. I feel like everything that comes out is negative, judgmental, and all or nothing thinking.
I'm angry that Ross is at his music festival...in Ohio...for 7 days...with little cell phone service...
I'm angry that I can't just enjoy my time with Elyse because...I lack patience...I am tired...I feel like a bad mom...I don't think it's fair that she should have to put up with my moods....
I'm angry that someone can't just take this pain inside of me away...take the anxiety...take the depression...take the negativity...take the physical symptoms that come with it...take the all or nothing thinking...take the worries...take away the "Why me?"...
I'm angry when I think back to happier times...why won't they just come back...why have I learned to be okay with "not feeling great"...why is this the new normal...why is this lingering on and on when I have a wonderful life to be so very thankful for...
I can deal with this. It is not nearly as bad or as intense as it was a few months ago. I typically can follow the routine of a the day and worry less, but I feel like I am stuck. Dr. Troy assures me it is normal but $&*$((#(*&^&^#*(#(&&#*(excuse my language)! Can I just get a week of relief!! I get hours, and if I'm lucky, a day, of relief...but it is that lingering, the dull ache inside...that just won't leave. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO LORD!!?? I'M LISTENING!!"
I know I'm not alone in my feelings. I know many have, and currently are, feeling like this in one situation or another. But I want to post this honestly so that if one other person reads this and finally feels like they are not alone, then it was worth it. Today I will worry about today. I will continue to enjoy the moments even though I have that icky, dull, ache way down deep that just doesn't want to leave. I will be thankful for the little things.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Lots Going On Around Here...
Well, we've been on the go since Friday and we are welcoming a pretty calm week around here. This weekend we spent a lot of time with Ross's family playing, eating, and enjoying good company. The only bad part involved Elyse stepping on dog poop which flew up onto her face and even had a maggot in it which proceeded to crawl towards her eye. You can guess my reaction, but it was probably entertaining to watch.
Sunday was supposed to be a fun day participating in the Color Run 5k where they spray you with different colored powders as you progress through the race, but eating rotten cottage cheese the night before doesn't really prepare you for that adventure so instead of going I lived vicariously through the rest of the team who did go, had fun, and got very colored! I, on the other hand, spent the morning in the bathroom and on the couch. Next year I'll be there.
Yesterday I went back to Dr. Troy who again reassured me that I'm making great progress and that we need to wait it out a couple weeks here before making any changes in my treatment plan to see if the 1st trimester pregnancy hormones start to back off a little bit. I do feel much better physically but like I told Dr. Troy, I feel like I'm at a mental road block. He said that's great! It means hormones probably are playing the biggest role in this and we are definitely headed in the right direction. He again reminded me that there is always a cause for symptoms. You never have to doubt that. That is such a helpful thought.
Today was the biggest day of all though! We heard Baby #2's heartbeat and Elyse thinks it is a sister! It is always a blessing to hear that little heartbeat! Also, I've been researching placenta encapsulation for after the birth. Lots of good reviews for helping ease postpartum depression. Research it with an open mind! There are many doulas that provide this service in the Twin Cities area so I wouldn't be putting Ross in charge of grilling it up! :)
Speaking of Ross, he left this morning for Ohio with a group of guys for an outdoor music festival called All Good. He will be gone through Monday so Elyse and I are going to keep each other company for the next few days. We'll probably visit the library, the grocery store, and the park! This weekend we will have our favorite friends visiting us from Waseca. Maybe we'll make a special trip to Jim's Apple Barn for a treat even! And they are going to babysit Elyse so I can go help a friend celebrate her 30th birthday on Saturday night! Happy Birthday Alicia!
I think that is the latest and greatest from the Nelson house. Enjoy the week!
Sunday was supposed to be a fun day participating in the Color Run 5k where they spray you with different colored powders as you progress through the race, but eating rotten cottage cheese the night before doesn't really prepare you for that adventure so instead of going I lived vicariously through the rest of the team who did go, had fun, and got very colored! I, on the other hand, spent the morning in the bathroom and on the couch. Next year I'll be there.
Yesterday I went back to Dr. Troy who again reassured me that I'm making great progress and that we need to wait it out a couple weeks here before making any changes in my treatment plan to see if the 1st trimester pregnancy hormones start to back off a little bit. I do feel much better physically but like I told Dr. Troy, I feel like I'm at a mental road block. He said that's great! It means hormones probably are playing the biggest role in this and we are definitely headed in the right direction. He again reminded me that there is always a cause for symptoms. You never have to doubt that. That is such a helpful thought.
Today was the biggest day of all though! We heard Baby #2's heartbeat and Elyse thinks it is a sister! It is always a blessing to hear that little heartbeat! Also, I've been researching placenta encapsulation for after the birth. Lots of good reviews for helping ease postpartum depression. Research it with an open mind! There are many doulas that provide this service in the Twin Cities area so I wouldn't be putting Ross in charge of grilling it up! :)
Speaking of Ross, he left this morning for Ohio with a group of guys for an outdoor music festival called All Good. He will be gone through Monday so Elyse and I are going to keep each other company for the next few days. We'll probably visit the library, the grocery store, and the park! This weekend we will have our favorite friends visiting us from Waseca. Maybe we'll make a special trip to Jim's Apple Barn for a treat even! And they are going to babysit Elyse so I can go help a friend celebrate her 30th birthday on Saturday night! Happy Birthday Alicia!
I think that is the latest and greatest from the Nelson house. Enjoy the week!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Sugar Withdrawls
Well, Dr. Troy impressed me again. I recently had my Vitamin D level and TSH (thyroid level) checked by my medical doctor. I got the results in the mail saying both were within the normal range. Both numbers were close to the low end of the range, but normal is normal right?!
I decided to let Dr. Troy take a look at the numbers and guess what...both numbers are low!
My vitamin D level was 20 points below where he would like it to be. Low vitamin D levels can results in depression, so I am now taking vitamin D daily. We've got to keep this baby healthy!!
My TSH was 0.7 and Dr. Troy wants it above 1.8. A hyperthyroid can cause some symptoms mimicking anxiety, and so again, this could be another small piece of the puzzle. There isn't anything he wants to do about it now but he does want to continue watching it. He has been very cautious during this whole process not to put me on any medications that he feels I can manage without since I am pregnant.
I also am trying to decide if this hangover feeling that I have been experiencing is sugar withdrawals or pregnancy related. I've been doing some googling on sugar detox and some people say it can be pretty intense. When I try to rationalize it in my mind, I think the same thing. The paragraph below is from an article I was reading that made this seem even more real in my mind.
But there are also other areas of impact that researchers have investigated: the effect of sugar on the brain and how liquid calories are interpreted differently by the body than solids. Research has suggested that sugar activates the same reward pathways in the brain as traditional drugs of abuse like morphine or heroin. No one is claiming the effect of sugar is quite that potent, but, says Brownell, “it helps confirm what people tell you anecdotally, that they crave sugar and have withdrawal symptoms when they stop eating it.”
Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2012/02/02/should-sugar-be-regulated-like-alcohol-and-tobacco/#ixzz20bAe0W3s
Was/Am I seriously "addicted" to sugar? Probably, yes, actually. I might need to see my therapist for this now too! When I think about how much sugar I ate it was insane. And my motto always was not to save any for tomorrow because it would be better if it was all gone today, so just eat the whole candy bar, cake, pan of bars, etc.
The reason I'm having this big revelation today is because yesterday for the first time in 2 weeks I caved and ate 2, not just 1, peanut butter cookies (plus they had wheat in them). And when I did it I felt like I was sneaking it. I even justified it by saying, "I can't be expected to never eat sugar!" I assume many people have felt like this when giving up cigarettes or other addictions. Yikes. And maybe I've over thinking it. But do you know how many times I've said in the past that I could never give up sugar. And in talking with people now about what I'm doing they will say, "I don't think I could do it!" There is truth behind that. It's a powerful thing. At this end of this, I honestly hope that I can eat a little sugar in moderation and not have to give it up totally for life, but we'll see.......
I decided to let Dr. Troy take a look at the numbers and guess what...both numbers are low!
My vitamin D level was 20 points below where he would like it to be. Low vitamin D levels can results in depression, so I am now taking vitamin D daily. We've got to keep this baby healthy!!
My TSH was 0.7 and Dr. Troy wants it above 1.8. A hyperthyroid can cause some symptoms mimicking anxiety, and so again, this could be another small piece of the puzzle. There isn't anything he wants to do about it now but he does want to continue watching it. He has been very cautious during this whole process not to put me on any medications that he feels I can manage without since I am pregnant.
I also am trying to decide if this hangover feeling that I have been experiencing is sugar withdrawals or pregnancy related. I've been doing some googling on sugar detox and some people say it can be pretty intense. When I try to rationalize it in my mind, I think the same thing. The paragraph below is from an article I was reading that made this seem even more real in my mind.
But there are also other areas of impact that researchers have investigated: the effect of sugar on the brain and how liquid calories are interpreted differently by the body than solids. Research has suggested that sugar activates the same reward pathways in the brain as traditional drugs of abuse like morphine or heroin. No one is claiming the effect of sugar is quite that potent, but, says Brownell, “it helps confirm what people tell you anecdotally, that they crave sugar and have withdrawal symptoms when they stop eating it.”
Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2012/02/02/should-sugar-be-regulated-like-alcohol-and-tobacco/#ixzz20bAe0W3s
Was/Am I seriously "addicted" to sugar? Probably, yes, actually. I might need to see my therapist for this now too! When I think about how much sugar I ate it was insane. And my motto always was not to save any for tomorrow because it would be better if it was all gone today, so just eat the whole candy bar, cake, pan of bars, etc.
The reason I'm having this big revelation today is because yesterday for the first time in 2 weeks I caved and ate 2, not just 1, peanut butter cookies (plus they had wheat in them). And when I did it I felt like I was sneaking it. I even justified it by saying, "I can't be expected to never eat sugar!" I assume many people have felt like this when giving up cigarettes or other addictions. Yikes. And maybe I've over thinking it. But do you know how many times I've said in the past that I could never give up sugar. And in talking with people now about what I'm doing they will say, "I don't think I could do it!" There is truth behind that. It's a powerful thing. At this end of this, I honestly hope that I can eat a little sugar in moderation and not have to give it up totally for life, but we'll see.......
Thursday, July 12, 2012
A Pregnancy Hangover
I've felt like I've been stuck in a rut the last few days. I am trying to not fight the symptoms and even continue to remind myself that these are very normal first trimester symptoms. I feel like I'm hungover. Yuck! Tired, dizzy, plugged ears, nauseas off and on, tossing and turning sleeping, emotional. If I knew there was nothing I had to do and could lay on the couch until this passes, I think it would ease a lot of my worries, but we've got a pretty full weekend planned so I'm hoping when I wake up tomorrow that I feel refreshed!
Friday we are headed to Hastings to meet up at a park with Ross's cousins and their babies. It will be fun for the kids to all get together to play. Pray for a shade tree and a nice cool breeze!
Saturday we are headed into Wisconsin for another get together with Ross's family. Pray for a nice lounge chair on a sandy beach!
Sunday I am participating in, like how I did not say running in, The Color Run. A group of friends are going to join me in the coolest 5k on the planet. Each k you get sprayed with a new color so by the end of the race you are one colorful being! Our team is Tickle Me Pink! Pray for no pregnancy hangover feeling so that the color in my face doesn't turn from red, to white, to green!
Lots of fun planned so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my body keeps up.
On a side note, we go to the OB on Tuesday! Pretty excited to hear the baby's heartbeat and make sure there is only one in there. Elyse has me freaking out a little bit because she continues to tell me it's a boy and a girl, and that there's two in there. She's warming up to the idea of the baby nicely and loves to lift up my shirt and talk to, tickle, and drum gently on the baby. I hope all this early talking about it will ease the transition for her once the baby is finally here.
Friday we are headed to Hastings to meet up at a park with Ross's cousins and their babies. It will be fun for the kids to all get together to play. Pray for a shade tree and a nice cool breeze!
Saturday we are headed into Wisconsin for another get together with Ross's family. Pray for a nice lounge chair on a sandy beach!
Sunday I am participating in, like how I did not say running in, The Color Run. A group of friends are going to join me in the coolest 5k on the planet. Each k you get sprayed with a new color so by the end of the race you are one colorful being! Our team is Tickle Me Pink! Pray for no pregnancy hangover feeling so that the color in my face doesn't turn from red, to white, to green!
Lots of fun planned so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my body keeps up.
On a side note, we go to the OB on Tuesday! Pretty excited to hear the baby's heartbeat and make sure there is only one in there. Elyse has me freaking out a little bit because she continues to tell me it's a boy and a girl, and that there's two in there. She's warming up to the idea of the baby nicely and loves to lift up my shirt and talk to, tickle, and drum gently on the baby. I hope all this early talking about it will ease the transition for her once the baby is finally here.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
This Mess is Blessed
I love waking up in the morning lately. There are no thoughts of how tired I am. There are no thoughts about when I will be able to take a nap. And I'm even waking up about an hour before Elyse so I have quiet time to eat breakfast, check the news (Facebook), and even sit on the deck for a bit.
Instead of waking with a body filled with negative anxiety, I wake with a body filled with positive excitement looking forward to what we are going to do today. Go for a walk, pull weeds, play in the yard, go out for supper with family, and just enjoy a beautiful Sunday.
Looking back on the past 2 months I still have a hard time accepting that my body and mind were in such a different place. Today when I know that a panic attack is not even a possibility, I wonder why it was a possibility back then, and even scarier, will it return? Was it because of all the built up stress, was is really due to the wheat and sugar in my diet, have I just learned to relax in summer, is Dr. Troy really fixing these physical symptoms and will they stay fixed, was it hormones related to the pregnancy?
We should not dwell on the past, but we should learn from it. I wish there was a simple test to tell what exactly was the cause of that anxiety episode, but in my heart I know it was probably a combination of built up stress on the body and when the body is wound that tight for so long, it will take the body time to unwind as well.
Another helpful thought that I read earlier this week was something along the lines of this: Comparing your situation or pain to someone else's to try and change your mood or attitude is not fair to you. Imagine telling your child with the stomach flu that there are children in Africa who are starving and would love to eat. It doesn't make sense. We can't relate and it doesn't make your child's pain any less. We need to treat ourselves with the same respect. Each of our challenges is different and comparing them isn't fair.
Enjoy this day the best you can. If that means laying on the couch resting all day, then do it and feel good about it! You know what you need today, and so go out and do just that. You'll feel better after you do.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
See the silver lining...
Why is it difficult to see how far you've really come? Is it just me? I know that I am feeling a ton better than I was a month ago. I have returned to a pretty normal schedule with little pain in doing it. I still have some lingering anxiety and moments in my days that are worse than others, but if I had a time machine to go back into the past one month I know I would see a very different girl.
So, why do I still have these moments when I feel not good enough? I know the answer already, "Everyone has moments like this." But like I said in my last post, I am a perfectionist, or as I'd like to think, a recovering perfectionist, and so it makes it hard for me to see the silver lining sometimes. Ross and I just had a conversation as he and Elyse walked out the door to get a special ice cream treat at the DQ (a reward for dry undies all day.....Elyse's not Ross!) and I was starting to mope about how it wasn't fair. But here's the other me talking:
1. Be happy for others even when you are not happy. It will make you a happier person.
2. Realize how blessed you are to have Ross as such an amazing dad to Elyse.
3. Realize how blessed you are to have Elyse who loves her Mama so much that she promised to bring me back a red DQ spoon!
4. Really reflect on how you are feeling now and decide if you'd want to deal with the consequences of eating a huge bowl of sugar.
5. Go with them and enjoy the family time, or relax in the alone time and smile thinking about how much fun Daddy/Daughter time is for them.
Look at all those positives. I really am a happy, positive, out-going person under this little black cloud filled with life-lessons that follows me around once in awhile. And like I told Ross, most people don't quit smoking on their first try even though they know it is best for them, so don't be so hard on yourself as you go through this process of giving up wheat and sugar. I've been eating it for the past 29 years. That's a pretty serious addiction. :)
And a little advice from Dr. Troy...In talking with his patients who are over 100, he always asks them to give a little advice on life. He said that each conversation has 2 things in common: That they are here for a purpose. God had a purpose for them in their life and they have not fulfilled it all yet. And the second one being, worry less about money because it always works out. That's some pretty good advice that I try to remember every day.
So, why do I still have these moments when I feel not good enough? I know the answer already, "Everyone has moments like this." But like I said in my last post, I am a perfectionist, or as I'd like to think, a recovering perfectionist, and so it makes it hard for me to see the silver lining sometimes. Ross and I just had a conversation as he and Elyse walked out the door to get a special ice cream treat at the DQ (a reward for dry undies all day.....Elyse's not Ross!) and I was starting to mope about how it wasn't fair. But here's the other me talking:
1. Be happy for others even when you are not happy. It will make you a happier person.
2. Realize how blessed you are to have Ross as such an amazing dad to Elyse.
3. Realize how blessed you are to have Elyse who loves her Mama so much that she promised to bring me back a red DQ spoon!
4. Really reflect on how you are feeling now and decide if you'd want to deal with the consequences of eating a huge bowl of sugar.
5. Go with them and enjoy the family time, or relax in the alone time and smile thinking about how much fun Daddy/Daughter time is for them.
Look at all those positives. I really am a happy, positive, out-going person under this little black cloud filled with life-lessons that follows me around once in awhile. And like I told Ross, most people don't quit smoking on their first try even though they know it is best for them, so don't be so hard on yourself as you go through this process of giving up wheat and sugar. I've been eating it for the past 29 years. That's a pretty serious addiction. :)
And a little advice from Dr. Troy...In talking with his patients who are over 100, he always asks them to give a little advice on life. He said that each conversation has 2 things in common: That they are here for a purpose. God had a purpose for them in their life and they have not fulfilled it all yet. And the second one being, worry less about money because it always works out. That's some pretty good advice that I try to remember every day.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
1 Week
It has been one week since I was told, "No sugar. No wheat," like it was a pretty common deal. Just like anxiety and depression, it is pretty common, but that doesn't really make it feel any better. I've had a few times in the last week where I thought I might jump ship and drive to DQ for a sugary blizzard or even eat just a regular piece of toast, but I've made it this far, and ...drum roll.... I am feeling better. And there is actually food out there still for me to eat. It takes a little more thought and planning. Gluten-free bread is a lot more expensive and I still need to figure out the cooking and baking part of it all...especially baking without sugar. I'll get there....only a week into this. It will take time.
I was a skeptic. I still am a little bit. Of course, being the worrier that I am, I'm a little hesitant to jump on board and say this is the ultimate fix, but I really do believe this gluten stuff is a big piece of the puzzle. I've been feeling the effects of gluten assuming that it has been "just anxiety" this whole time. I do know that I am an anxious person, that I tend to have unrealistic worries, that I ruminate over thoughts, and that I'm a pretty sensitive person, but I believe that gluten is causing my body to let these anxious tendencies get out of control. Because I like talking to my therapist and feel that I still have a lot of perfectionistic qualities to work on getting rid of, I will continue to see her. I am by no means saying that once I am gluten-free I will be healed of all worries, but I am noticing that it does have a lot of influence on my energy level and mood. So does eliminating the sugar. This girl can't even have one cup of coffee because it puts her through the roof, why would I think consuming large amounts of sugar would be any different. Well, because for me, sugar tastes great and takes away stress (or so I thought not realizing it was actually creating more).
If you want to look into it more, do a little research on leaky gut and leaky brain. Not a lot of information out there, but what I've read makes a lot of sense for me. I just wish everyone with depression, anxiety, fatigue, asthma, chronic pain, weight problems, head aches, constipation, ADHD, autism, etc. etc. etc. (basically any ailment you can think of), could go to Synapse and see one of the doctors there. I know three other people who go there, and they praise this place up and down just like I do, thanking the doctors for giving them their life back!
Today was the first day, in I don't know how long, that I actually wanted to get up and go for a walk. Each day my energy level gets a little higher and higher. Yesterday, for the first time in probably a month, I vacuumed. For the past couple days I haven't even woke up thinking about when I might be able to lay down for a nap. It has been so long since I've felt like this, and I'm really enjoying it, without getting too over zealous!
All of this still doesn't take away my fear of having postpartum depression again though. Dr. Troy has told me that I will be feeling so much better when that baby comes, but I know that PPD has some serious power and I'm not sure if being gluten and sugar free will keep that away. But I'm praying, I'm hopeful, and I'm armed with more knowledge and resources now than I could have ever imagined. I'm going to see a medical doctor on Thursday in the cities who deals specifically with postpartum depression. She's had articles published about her research and so I am hopeful that she can shed more light on that topic for me and we can set up a plan that will ease my worries related to that part of my birth plan.
Have a wonderfully HOT 4th of July!
I was a skeptic. I still am a little bit. Of course, being the worrier that I am, I'm a little hesitant to jump on board and say this is the ultimate fix, but I really do believe this gluten stuff is a big piece of the puzzle. I've been feeling the effects of gluten assuming that it has been "just anxiety" this whole time. I do know that I am an anxious person, that I tend to have unrealistic worries, that I ruminate over thoughts, and that I'm a pretty sensitive person, but I believe that gluten is causing my body to let these anxious tendencies get out of control. Because I like talking to my therapist and feel that I still have a lot of perfectionistic qualities to work on getting rid of, I will continue to see her. I am by no means saying that once I am gluten-free I will be healed of all worries, but I am noticing that it does have a lot of influence on my energy level and mood. So does eliminating the sugar. This girl can't even have one cup of coffee because it puts her through the roof, why would I think consuming large amounts of sugar would be any different. Well, because for me, sugar tastes great and takes away stress (or so I thought not realizing it was actually creating more).
If you want to look into it more, do a little research on leaky gut and leaky brain. Not a lot of information out there, but what I've read makes a lot of sense for me. I just wish everyone with depression, anxiety, fatigue, asthma, chronic pain, weight problems, head aches, constipation, ADHD, autism, etc. etc. etc. (basically any ailment you can think of), could go to Synapse and see one of the doctors there. I know three other people who go there, and they praise this place up and down just like I do, thanking the doctors for giving them their life back!
Today was the first day, in I don't know how long, that I actually wanted to get up and go for a walk. Each day my energy level gets a little higher and higher. Yesterday, for the first time in probably a month, I vacuumed. For the past couple days I haven't even woke up thinking about when I might be able to lay down for a nap. It has been so long since I've felt like this, and I'm really enjoying it, without getting too over zealous!
All of this still doesn't take away my fear of having postpartum depression again though. Dr. Troy has told me that I will be feeling so much better when that baby comes, but I know that PPD has some serious power and I'm not sure if being gluten and sugar free will keep that away. But I'm praying, I'm hopeful, and I'm armed with more knowledge and resources now than I could have ever imagined. I'm going to see a medical doctor on Thursday in the cities who deals specifically with postpartum depression. She's had articles published about her research and so I am hopeful that she can shed more light on that topic for me and we can set up a plan that will ease my worries related to that part of my birth plan.
Have a wonderfully HOT 4th of July!
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